I Hate You But I Love You
by Bunny In A Bunny Suit
Summary: Santana grew up hating Brittany but for very different reasons. Now, she is in her junior year at the New York University and see what happens when she ended up being closer to Brittany than she would have liked to. (Brittana romance, Pezberry friendship)
1. Big Jumps

**This story had been in my mind for days so I knew that I had to write it down. Now, I'm at peace again. Hope you guys enjoy this story :)  
**

Santana was 13 when she had her first crush.

Of all the people that could have been her first crush, it had to be the sweet, loveable Brittany. The perky, always-saying-hi-to-random-people Brittany.

Santana was confused because before that, she didn't really understand the concept of being gay. She wasn't even sure if it existed before. So she was dealing with these unanswered questions in her mind and these newly emerging feelings that comes with liking someone. Not just someone but a girl.

Santana hated when Brittany smiled at her because she didn't like how it made her heart pounded.

She hated the fact that Brittany always popped in her mind whenever she listened to love songs.

Most of all, she hated Brittany for making it easy to like her.

Santana tried really hard to ignore her feelings but Brittany was making it more difficult for her to do so. How can she not like the blonde seeing as Brittany was kind enough to share her lunch with Santana when she left hers that one time? Or during that school trip where Brittany offered her a seat beside her when no one in the bus would. How about that time when Santana was too sick to go to school and Brittany was willing enough to bring her homework to her house? They were not even friends.

Santana convinced herself that maybe she only wanted to befriend her. But then again, people don't usually want to kiss their friends on the lips.

* * *

Santana was 15 when she threw her first slushie at Brittany.

Santana fucking hated her for having such a strong hold on her even though two years have passed by.

She hated that every time she kissed someone, she imagined that it was Brittany who had been kissing her.

The brunette had a theory that the only way for her to truly move on was by removing any chances or hope to be with Brittany. She then proceeded to treat the blonde badly. This way, Brittany would hate her and if she hated her, then the chance of being with Brittany would be gone and Santana didn't have to cling to this tiny hope buried inside of her, that Brittany might actually like her.

Santana hated the blonde for not showing any resentment towards her even after the brunette treated her terribly.

Every insult that had been thrown at Brittany was viciously spat out by Santana. She thought that it was much easier than pouring her feelings out.

Every glare that had been directed at Brittany was meant to scare her away from Santana. She thought that it was better than letting her vulnerability be visible through her eyes.

No one really understood why Santana disliked Brittany so much. The blonde was the sweetest person ever known in The William McKinley High School. She may not be a cheerleader or popular like Santana but she was definitely likeable. If only people knew that behind those hatred lays the truth that Santana was only terrified. Terrified that she might be different from other people when the only thing she wanted was to fit in.

* * *

Santana was 17 when she experienced her first heartbreak.

She fucking hated Brittany for having a girlfriend. Not when Santana was finally comfortable with her sexuality.

Santana came out to her family first. No crying. No shouting. Just a lot of hugging.

Then, she came out to her friends. No hugging. No smiling. Just a lot of gasping. Guess they weren't really her friends.

However, she could rely on the Cheerios to support her. Contrary to the popular belief that cheerleaders are snobby, patronizing people, most of the people in the Cheerios were friendly. They were supportive of each other and it's hard not to be when your coach is the devil. The only way for them to survive the seven circles of hell with Coach Sue was to depend and protect each other.

One of the girls in the Cheerios was Quinn Fabray. She was one of the most popular girls in school. Her nickname was Bitch Goddess and deservingly so. She may looked sweet and innocent but her attitude showed the opposite. Despite her bitchy attitude, people found it easy to be mesmerized by her beauty. Brittany was no exception. However, Brittany didn't call her the Bitch Goddess. She called Quinn her girlfriend.

Knowing Brittany had a girlfriend was already hurtful enough but the fact that Quinn was her girlfriend was like rubbing chillis, not salt but chillis into her wound.

It baffled Santana as to how the sweetest person in the school could date one of the most bitchiest person in the school. If that's the case then she could have easily be her girlfriend. It should have been her. "I'm bitchy too" Santana thought to herself. Though she only blamed herself. She had been nothing but mean to Brittany for the past few years.

So every time she saw Brittany and Quinn holding hands or giving each other kisses, Santana could do nothing but rolled her eyes. But with every kisses that she witnessed, her heart broke pieces by pieces until all that is left are dusts of hopelessness.

* * *

Santana was 20 when she had her first kiss with Brittany.

Before they kissed, Santana stared into Brittany's eyes, hoping that her own eyes would convey the lust and love that she felt at that moment.

She fucking loved the way Brittany's blue eyes twinkled under the shine of the moonlight.

She loved how Brittany's lips glistened after licking her lips nervously.

By now, Santana was familiar with the pounding of her heart. It only happens with Brittany. Somehow, this felt different. Her heart pounded with a different feeling, a feeling of anticipation.

When their lips touched, Santana was overwhelmed to the point that she almost cried. She tried to express 7 years of love that she felt for Brittany with every soft movement of their lips and with every gentle touch of her hands.

Most of all, she loved how head over heels in love she was with Brittany.

You wanna know what happened? I'll tell you.

**Author's Note: Oh boy, what am I doing? I will try my best to juggle my time between this story and my other story so it might take me longer to update than I would have liked to.**


	2. Fools In Love

Santana's POV

"Rachel, open the goddamn door!" Santana demanded as she knocked repeatedly.

The door opened but it's not the face that she wanted to see.

"Hi, Santana" the redhead girl greeted flirtatiously.

**Shit, what's her name? Ummm…. is it Emily? Amy? Dani? **

"Who is it, Kate?" Rachel's voice echoed from the bathroom.

**Oh Kate, close enough.**

"It's Santana" the redheaded shouted with a mischievous smile.

"Hi Kate" the latina said nonchalantly.

Santana walked passed by her and sat on Rachel's bed.

"Rachel, I'm going out"

"Okay, bye"

"And you, if you want to do it again, just call me" the redhead offered before going out of the room.

**Jeezus.**

"Hey Rach"

"Hey Santana" Rachel said as she walked out of the bathroom.

"So guess what? I'm getting a new roommate!" Santana announced.

Both of them jumped up and down excitedly.

"Finally! Now you don't have to spend so much time in my room" Rachel teased.

Santana _had_ to spend a lot of time in Rachel's room cause she couldn't even stand staying at her own room. Not when her roommate, Kitty, was there. Having an agreement with Kitty was the hardest thing to do for Santana. Even when they first met, they fought over who should get the top of the bunk bed and this went on for 3 days. It was hate at first sight.

So she was glad when she started being friends with Rachel during her sophomore year. She could duck out from the hell she was living in and spend her time with Rachel in her room. At first, Santana had to admit that she was annoyed with Rachel, with her being all diva-esque and overly ambitious but somehow, she was able to creep into Santana's heart with her Broadway references and her adorable dorkiness. Plus, Rachel was such a great best friend.

"Well, good then cause I can't stand seeing your clingy roommate" Santana mockingly sighed with relief.

"You're the one who had sex with her when I told you not to"

"Good point. But in my defense, I'm so damn irresistible so it's not my fault that girls want a piece of this" Santana said while pointing to her body.

Santana had been enjoying her time at the university. Late night parties, one night stands, you name it, Santana had done all of that but even so, she wasn't one to neglect her studies. She had been working really hard and being a music major was not easy as it seems. Again, she thanked god for having Rachel in the same classes as hers and it's much easier when they could help each other out.

Being a music major had its perks too. She's famous with the ladies, especially with the girls in her classes. Having a raspy voice wasn't helping either. Santana could be charming if she wanted to. She could be chivalrous if she wanted to. Santana could be great in bed if she wanted to and people (girls) knew this.

"So are we going or not?" Santana asked impatiently.

"Just wait, okay?" Rachel responded. She went to her drawer to search for her stuff when she noticed something.

"Did you go through my stuff?" Rachel asked.

"What is that supposed to mean?" the latina said with an offended look.

"I mean... did you go through my stuff again?"

Santana scoffed at her accusation but Rachel raised an eyebrow cause she knew better.

"Yeah, I forgot to tell you, I borrowed your tank top the other day" Santana said innocently.

"I thought so."

"What? It's a thing I do."

"Anyway, when are you moving to your new room?"

"Tomorrow but it's okay cause I packed my stuff already. I can't wait to get away from Little Miss Peroxide"

"Can I help you move in? I want to help you, Sanny, pleaseeeee..."

"Fine! Just shush okay, you're making me gag"

"Yay!" Rachel clapped her hands excitedly and hugged an unwilling Santana.

**Ugh. **

"Okay, Miss Energizer Bunny, are we ready to go?"

Rachel nodded and with that, both of them left the room. Walking out of the room, Santana couldn't help feeling excited about having a new roommate.

**I can feel it. This is gonna be a good year.**

Little did she know.

* * *

Santana's POV

"This box"

"This one? Okay." Rachel said as she lifted a box from the ground.

"So where's your room?"

"That one" Santana pointed to a door at the end of the hallway.

Standing in front of her door, Santana pulled out her keys but stopped when she realized that the door was unlocked.

**Maybe my new roommate is here already.**

She walked into the room, only to see small boxes covering the ground.

**Thought so.**

"Hi Santana" a familiar voice greeted her.

**Are you kidding me?**

"Hey Quinn" her voice cracked.

"Umm… sorry. This is Rachel, she's my best friend"

Rachel and Quinn politely smiled at each other.

"So I'm guessing you're my new roommate?" Santana asked.

**PLEASE SAY NO. PLEASE SAY NO.**

"Nope."

**HUH?**

"So what are you doing here?"

Just then, Santana realized something.

**OH NO. OH GOD NO.**

Brittany Pierce walked out of the bathroom with her perfect smile and perfect blonde hair. Everything perfect and Santana hated that.

**ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?**

"So which one of you is my new roommate?" Brittany asked cheerily.

"Me" said Santana in a less than warm manner.

"Okay, so where do you want to sleep? The top or the bottom?"

**Wanky.**

"Uhhh…"

"I mean the bunk bed" Brittany replied.

**OH MY GOD LOPEZ. THAT WAS NOT THE RIGHT TIME TO THINK ABOUT THAT.**

"I'm more of a top person uhhh... you know, with the bed… I mean sleeping there. On it."

Rachel frowned with confusion at her best friend's rambling.

"Okay then, you can have it. So we're going out for a while to get something to eat. Do you guys want to join us?" Brittany offered.

"Sur-"

"It's okay, we want to finish up with putting my stuff here if you don't mind" Santana said , interrupting Rachel's word.

"See you later then, bye"

"Bye" said Rachel only.

Quinn and Brittany walked out hand-in-hand and Santana stared at their intertwining hands wistfully. Rachel noticed the sudden change in the latina's expression.

After the door closed behind them, Rachel burst out laughing.

"Oh my god, of all the people in campus, you ended up with her. The universe must hate you!" Rachel said, still laughing.

"Just my damn luck" Santana commented.

After wiping her laughing tears, Rachel sat down at Brittany's bed, wanting to ask Santana a question that she had been itching to ask.

"Why do you hate her so much?"

"Brittany? I don't know, she's just... ugh"

**Amazing.**

This was what Santana had been dreading for 2 years. To be put in a position or a situation where she had to be close to Brittany without having any control over it. It's one thing to live with a person you hate but it's another thing to live with a person you really like for the past 7 years. And having to see that person you really like being lovey dovey with another person was so much more painful. For the last 2 years, Santana had managed to avoid any sighting that involves the two blondes around the campus. It's much better that way. Out of sight, out of mind. But that was bullshit and Santana knew it too. So she thought that drowning herself in alcohol, sex and her studies would be helpful.

"And why would you agree going out with them when you know I don't like them? Kill me if I have to see those two kissing and being all mushy again."

"Sounds like jealousy" Rachel responded.

"Sounds like you need to put the shut to the up" Santana sneered.

"Okay, how about we go to a party tonight? My friend, Tina is having a party and you should come. It might help you loosen up for a bit."

"Would love to"

"Okay, meet me at my room around 9. See you later, Sanny"

Rachel gave Santana a much needed hug and walked out of the room.

**All I have to do is distance myself from her. I can do that. I can.**

* * *

Santana's POV

She could hear the sound of the music blaring loudly as she and Rachel approached the large mansion. Apparently, Tina's parents were out of town. They told Tina to look after the house and in Tina's mind, that means having a party.

Santana wanted to get her mind off things and off _someone,_ so she wanted to only have fun tonight. As they walked into the house, there were a lot of people already dancing and getting drunk. Santana recognized that most of the people there were music majors or dance majors.

**Dance majors? I hope she's not here.**

But of course the universe hates her. There she was on the sofa, making out with Quinn.

"Rach, do you want something to drink? Cause I can get it for you" Santana said, desperate to walk away from the sight.

"Sure" and with that, Santana walked away, trying to find the kitchen.

As she managed to find the kitchen in the large mansion, she walked around to find the drinks.

**Beer. No, there's a vodka there. The stronger, the better.**

She poured the vodka into a shot glass and chugged it quickly. The latina cheered loudly at the crowd and started dancing.

After that, everything was a blur.

* * *

Santana's POV

"Good morning, sunshine!" Rachel said when she saw Santana waking up.

"Goddammit Rachel! Can you not be so damn loud? My head is ringing" the latina complained.

"Sorry, here's your coffee" she said, handing a coffee cup to Santana.

"Thank you" she said appreciatively.

"So why am I in your room? And what happened last night? I was so wasted, I can't remember anything."

"Well, I brought you in my room last night so I can take care of you, as you said, you were so wasted. And it's probably a good thing that you don't remember what happened last night because you probably don't want to know"

"Well, I asked you what happened so that means I want to know, don't you think?"

"Oh boy, you are NOT gonna like this"

"Rachel!"

"Okay, okay. So last night you nearly strip dance at the counter top and you were crying as always and then I found you ruffling through Tina's bedroom drawer and somehow, when I brought you back here, there's a pink lace panty in your pocket and then you cried again" Rachel held up the panty in her hand.

"Oh and you also made a love confession" Rachel said with a shrug.

**SHIT.**

"What do you mean?!"

"Basically, you told Brittany that you love her for the past 7 years in front of everyone"

**DOUBLE SHIT.**

Rachel wanted to laugh at Santana's extremely shocked expression, complete with her gaping mouth but she thought that she didn't want to play with death.

"I did what?!" Santana shouted.

"Yeah, you did that and a certain someone wasn't too happy about it"

"Brittany?" Santana asked with a hint of disappointment.

"No" Rachel frowned with confusion.

"Quinn" she stated like it was the obvious answer.

"So are you sure you weren't jealous before?" she asked cautiously.

**YES.**

"No, I was drunk Berry, I was probably being stupid, you know how it is."

"Uh-huh"

"Whatever Rach" Santana rolled her eyes in defeat.

"Now how can I face her? I'm too embarrassed"

"Maybe you should apologize or something, I don't know"

"Yeah, maybe I should do that" she said as she sipped the hot coffee in her hand.

**I take it back. This is probably not gonna be a good year.**

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't worry guys, I'm not gonna abandon this story and also, thank you for the reviews :) **


End file.
